An Open Heart.

As I look backward on 2010 and forward to 2011, I anticipate new joys, changes, and growing pains.  I am eager to see what happens in and around me.  More than anything I want this year to count.  I'm not sure what that means in definitive terms, but the possibilities are huge.  I commit to be open in this next year, and that's a hard one for me.  This means I continue to be plan-less for awhile.  My only plan is to wait and see, to give until I'm tired, and learn to be open.

This waiting is testing and developing my patience.  It's exposing the deepest needs of people.  It's melting dreams into a vision.  It's stripping bare my soul, so it can be consumed with good, eternal things.  It's increasing a deep hunger to live a better story and never settle for a life less than abundant.  It's growing me a up a bit, I think.  It's showing me my weakness and need to be saved.  It's making me want my life to be consumed with more love, because he first loved me.

The sweetness of something new.  It's a good thing.

Christmastime.

God is here.

My heart warms with this thought.  And my soul rests.  This is one of the most profound-yet beautiful-truths of Christmastime.  Amid the hustling and bustling, shopping, baking, partying, wrapping, list-making, caroling, cleaning, decorating, tree-hunting, giving, etc., etc. this is why Christmas matters most to me.  The age-old nativity story is a simple one of a tiny baby and more love than I can grasp.  And no matter what happens or doesn't, God is here and ready to love me, hold me up, and share life with me.  *Exhale*

And now for my "adult world" Christmas wishes!

•  For Mom:  A quick and complete recovery from the crazy-and-hard-to-pronounce-hip-surgery.
•  For Morgan:  A job or teaching opportunity in India!
•  For Brandon and Erica:  Motivation.
•  For Bukesa, Mengo, and the rest of the homes and schools in Uganda:  Committed individuals to support the kids' development consistently.
• For My Precious Grandpa:  A boost of health.
• For Alissa and Mark:  A large sum of money, so they can get to Asia faster!
• For Dani and Mac:  More time together.
• For Me:  An open heart and crystal-clear clarity, so I go, do, and be exactly what Christ intends.  And maybe a Kindle... only so I can read all of BBC's Big Read books!!  So silly, I know.  I'm shamefully admitting that I want one. 
• For My Dearest Friends, Near and Far, Who I Didn't Specifically Mention Above:  A peaceful Christmas and 2011 filled with wonder, opportunity, health, love, provision, and laughter. 

Merry Christmas.

"I've got a thousand love songs.  Far too many, they've just got away.  I've done a thousand things wrong.  Far too many for me to name.  But I'm not too far gone to fall headlong, into the arms that love me." 

Today is a much better Monday than I anticipated.  Over the Rhine pre-released their new album, and I'm listening to it while drinking a new blend of coffee.  I was trying to avoid instant gratification, but OTR doesn't apply.  Mmm.

For the love of sultry music, Christmastime, and anticipation of yoga class.

Promises (that require) Playlists

The Context:  

My couch is cozy this time of year, especially while watching my favorite French movie or reading Eat. Pray. Love. and romanticizing about foreign lands I have yet to visit where I will kiss intriguing men.  I also enjoy a margherita pizza with red wine for dinner and dark chocolate M&Ms for dessert.

The (Problematic) Reality:

Despite my passion for the country's film, I failed learning the country's language.  Turns out it's much more difficult than Amélie let on.  Also my preference for high-calorie dinners is making me a flubby sloth. And because she stopped her yoga routine and consumed excessive amounts of wine and pizza, Elizabeth Gilbert gained 15 pounds in Italy, because, well, all she did was eat.

The Solution:  

Even though I hate it, 24 Hour Fitness is my new boyfriend.  He's always available for a chat or late-night walk.  I know, I know, I've said it before.  But I'm running a 5k on January 23rd in Washington Park.  My first one ever; I just registered.  I don't want to do it, but if I don't do it, I won't go to 24 and will spiral into a glutenous sloth. 

A Promise and A Playlist:

 

So with that promise, I've spent hours deliberating over the perfect combination resulting in the following playlists.  Goodbye, excuses.  Hello, iPod. Expect an update on January 24th or 25th.  Enjoy the tunes (they're treadmill tested and runner approved) and share your favorites! 

The Current Favorite (Better Known as the "I Only Listen to Chill Music, and Running is Foreign to My DNA" Playlist):

1. Feist - I Feel It All
2. Death Cab For Cutie - The Sound of Settling
3. Fiona Apple - Better Version of Me
4. Cake - Love You Madly
5. The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll
7. Radiohead - Idioteque
8. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop
9. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing
10. Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man
11. John Legend & The Roots - Our Generation (The Hope of the World)
12. Eagle-Eye Cherry - Save Tonight
13. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Learning To Fly
14. Explosions In the Sky - First Breath After Coma

The Motivator (Better known as the "Get Off Your Butt... NOW" playlist):

1. A.R. Raham, from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack - Mausam & Escape
2. Jason DeRulo - Ridin' Solo
3. MGMT - Kids
4. Jay Z with Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind
5. Angels & Airwaves - Everything's Magic
6. Justin Beiber - One Time (Hey, if the Fever works...)
7. Eminem - Lose Yourself 
8. Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling
9. Kanye West - Stronger
10. Beyoncé - Single Ladies
11. Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back
12. Cake - The Distance
13. Jamie Foxx - Winner
14. Flo Rider - Club Can't Handle Me
15. R. Kelly - Ignition (remix version)

Surprised?  :)  Love to my fellow addicts to Netflix streaming and passionate couch potatoes.  I'll never judge you.

"Thanksgiving is more than eating, Chuck... we should just be thankful for being together!"

Recognize that quote?  It's from a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.  I rely on Peanuts to remind me of the important things in life.  And if I crafted a hand turkey, I wouldn't have enough appendages to display all I'm thankful for.

• Family - We've been through it all (well, almost...), and I love them.  And they still love me; that's the cool part.
• Degree - During these few, post-grad months, I've come to appreciate my education.  I gained much more than a deeper understanding of literature.  I learned how to think, question, and change.  As one of my favorite profs says, "It's something that can never be taken from you or lost."
• Friends - What can I say?  Mine are the best in the world, and we will change it together, because we believe it's possible.
• Google - It's walked with me through many troubling dilemmas.  And reminded me of my humanity.  I should invest in stock; now only if I could afford it...
• Cassidy and Finn - Two boogers of giggles.  They remind me to slow down, smile, and not be too serious.
• Small Group - They are honest.  They give.  They listen.  They challenge.  They work.  They tell weird stories.  They believe in me.  They drink alcohol.  And they love Jesus.
• Freedom - To be a different, better, more real person.  To change.  And to try again after making a mess of things.
• Uganda - The individuals I met there.  The story that's unfolding.  The redemptive possibilities.  The something in my life that's bigger than me.
• Grace - It turns my bad days good, and I'm only beginning to understand it. 
 

My heart is full.  What are you thankful for?

*Seeking to understand instead of being understood.  *Finding where I fit in God's story instead of writing my own.  *Seeing good in people I dislike.  *Waiting patiently.  *Not giving up on those who have given up on themselves.  *Opening to the possibility of love and being okay with not having that right now.  *Letting go of hurt and forgiving.  *Departing from expectation.  *Being content.  *Appreciating the twins and liking my job.  *Not gratifying instantly.  *Cultivating a passion for the Bible that I've never had but always wanted. *Running.  *Loving the person in front of me. *Respecting lifestyles and viewpoints I do not understand.  *Letting God out of the box I've placed him in for years.  *Moving away from cynicism toward hope.  *Being Christ instead of thinking about it.  *Caring about the person and cultivating him or her as opposed to furthering a cause.  *Abandoning my fear to follow my passion.  *Making my own Christmas presents.  *Living a restorative lifestyle.  *Believing and being faithful.  *Disliking my landlord and squirrels less.

I'm learning a lot and maybe growing up a bit.  And I'm concluding with some Mumford & Sons, which is currently on repeat:

In these bodies we will live.  In these bodies we will die.  Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

Death of the Squirrels!

Okay.  I hate squirrels more than anything else in the world.  That's sort of an overstatement, and I say "sort of," because I also hate world hunger, war, and child neglect.  But my strongest aversions are for blue pens, bad coffee, parking tickets (I seem to break every rule about parking in this city), and SQUIRRELS!!!  They are NOT cute.  They are NOT cuddly.  They are NOT meant to live in my attic/crawl space/walls/apartment.

On Sunday I heard a nasty scratch-scratch and called our landlord yesterday.  After a few hours, the nasty baby beast was trapped, and the landlord walked it out of my apartment.  Eeeeewww.  This is squirrel terrorism, and no words will convey my disgust.  I Googled about squirrel problems this morning (as I do with every common problem-Google is sort of like my guru, if I had a guru...) and found this picture on another girl's blog.  I added the slash-out and verbage, but I think this is an excellent expression of my mood.

Poop on squirrels.  Thank you, Cyberspace, for allowing ranting blog posts like this one.  But at least I get to see Sufjan Stevens tonight and drink a cold brew at the Cheeky Monk.  Mmmm... that's nice.