"An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels."
and
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised."
-Proverbs 31:10 and 30
The two verses above are the current thorn in my womanly, Christian side. I guess I am supposed to see them as an encouraging charge toward excellence, but they wear me out, and I feel grumpy reading them. Instead, I like these:
"For attractive lips speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."
-Audrey Hepburn
And words slightly less whimsical and orthodox:
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and, at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
"Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius, and it's better to be ridiculous than absolutely boring."
-Marilyn Monroe
If I am honest, the later words make me feel lighter. And I am ashamed that the Scripture passage above doesn't do that for me. I am certain the scriptures are not the cause for my funk, but our contemporary discussion and interpretation of them frustrate me beyond adequate expression. In preparation for writing this post (yes, I make a nerd confession that I sometimes prepare my blog posts like a paper...), I Googled "Proverbs 31 Woman," "Proverbs 31:10-31," and "I hate the Proverbs 31 woman." All searches, including the last phrase, yielded dozens of hits. We-Christian women (and men do this too, I believe)-idealize the "Proverbs 31 Woman" into the person we want to become or the symbol we loathe. Whether we idolize the "perfect wife" in order to become the "virtuous woman" described in Proverbs or run in the opposite direction (which is a woman, like me, who buys her clothes and wakes up not at the butt-crack of dawn to homebake fresh bread for the kiddos... laugh, People, please!), we trap ourselves with her ideal. Audrey's words are whimsical but empowering; they paint a picture of a different, brighter world. And Marilyn's words are simply honest and raw. I relate to her frustration but believe she has not abandoned hope of becoming a better person despite some flaws and imperfections she will carry always.
Recently, the thought of becoming the Proverbs 31 woman makes my nose wrinkle up and skin itch. Don't get me wrong: I want to be thrifty, frugal, wise, thoughtful, respected, and trusted. And if I am ever blessed with marriage, I want a husband whom people admire and seek out, and I want to be a wife that pleases him... and you sensed it coming... BUT I do not want to be just that.
... I want to marry a compassionate and intelligent man, be a "good" wife (whatever that means), and share life with my best friend, discovering God and becoming better together then changing our world.
... I want to explore every corner of this world, make new friends everywhere, and learn from everyone I meet no matter how different we are.
... I want to raise kids of all colors, shapes, and sizes to love people better and live abundantly-free every day they breathe.
... I want to serve people that the world forgets, ignores, and bypasses and help them understand that they are valuable, beautiful, and integral to changing this world for the better.
... I want to wear sexy sundresses, sip wine, laugh uncontrollably, and talk for hours with my friends, enjoying every minute together.
... I want to bake homemade bread, create my own organic cleaners, and make any place I live homey and beautiful.
... I want to be known as an intelligent, independent, giving, and loving woman who does not pass by opportunities because she is a wife, mom, or woman but uses each job and each vocational opportunity to be a better wife, mom, and woman and vice versa.
But above everything I want to use every last ounce of energy and life in me to help people know and love my God. That seems more important, more fulfilling, more purposeful than being the "perfect" woman, wife, or mom in Proverbs. And if I pursue the kingdom of Christ, serve his children, and lead others toward him, won't my lamp always blaze brightly? I'm chewing on what it means to be a "godly" woman this week. Join me.
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