November 30, 2011: Thankful to be OVER

I have to say, all this blogging every day has zapped me of my creative juices!  My posts are less intriguing and deep by the day, so I'm going to revert back to my once-a-week habit and actually try to make them relate, etc.  There's nothing on it yet, but check out the WordPress site, because this here blog is shutting down!  In about a week, check it:  ashcmorris.wordpress.com  :)  It's been real, y'all.

But today I am thankful for validation that changing directions is the right thing.  For those who are older, wiser, and more seasoned than me, thank you for living life and leaving your insight behind.  I am rich because of you!

November 29

Today I am thankful for a change of pace.  A slower pace, even if it's for just a bit, but enough of a change to be able to take a few deep breaths in.  I'm thankful for a lingering evening that started with some cooking (of tortilla soup), transitioned into Tuesday night conversation with friends close to my heart, which is ending now with a Snow Day (New Belgium, I give you mad props.  I'm addicted.) and a book.  I just love when it ends slow like this, when I have time to unwind, not just fall into my bed.  Aahh.

November 25, 2011: Posted on November 26

Yep.  Behind behind. blah blah blah.  I was at a show, so I stayed up way past my normal bedtime enjoying the musical whimsey of Youth Lagoon.  Impressive.  And the crowd was fun, which makes for a great night on the scene [of which I am not scene-enough to be a part of].

Today I'm thankful for new people and friendships.  New conversations and experiences.  It's the kind of thing I need to stay sane.  Oh... and a desolate office, so I could have a little dance part-ay all to myself with my soy latte.

Peace.  Dream sweet, Friends.

November 24, 2011: Thanksgiving

It's one of my favorite holidays of the year.  Today I am thankful that I was with people I love.  Not my "real" family but a second family of sorts.  It's nice to feel at home, even when it's not my "home."

November 23, 2011: His Story

Today I tested a man at work, and he shared some of his life story with me, which was full of darkness and trouble but mostly sadness.  But he smiled and laughed.  Despite his life spiraling out of control, he believed in God.  And told me to have a blessed day and pray to God-whatever his name was-whenever I needed help, because he'd always be there.  His story reminded me of the what's true and important in life and why I should not be so discouraged by trivial nothings.  We need stories like his from time to time to stay human, I think.

November 23, 2011: Fun Forward Looking

I have plenty of wonderful things to anticipate, which I am thankful for as well:

• Vacation!  I have three paid days of vacation.  That's a jackpot in nanny world!
• Thanksgiving!  I'm super bummed my parents got the flu and can't make it out to Denver for T-Giving, but I am so thankful that I have a second family out here to spend it with.
• Youth Lagoon is playing a show on Friday.  Enough said.  I avoid Black Friday like the plague, but I'll brave the streets to see this kid.  Pure talent.
• Sleep is finally here, because I submitted my last final via email two minutes ago.  What what!  1/6 finished with my MSW!!!!!!!  That's absolute crazy talk. (oops, not supposed to say "crazy" anymore... that's a rough one to kick.)

November 21, 2011: A House

Today I am thankful that I have a house, an apartment to be exact.  It's nice to be warm and snug inside my tiny place, protected from the wind.  A lot of people will be outside tonight, and I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about that sort of thing.  That I go to bed full and sleep well, snuggled in my blankets.

It's been brought to my attention:

To the five of you following the blog, thanks :)  I hope you follow into the future, when I attempt to write something more tangible and focused.  You know, like a real blog... well, sort of real.  As real as it gets for me...

November 20, 2011: College is good for... friends.

Seriously, I have the best friends in the world.  No comparison, so don't try.  You'll be disappointed.

I have friends from all over the world (literally) and across the country, but my Colorado ones will always be the "friends" when referring to "my friends."  People say you have a hometown [E.C., WI - Woop!], but when you leave it, you get a new home, which has happened to me here.  My Colorado friends are my second family, the family I chose.  :)  Cheezeball-I need some crackers!-but truth.

Our baby college, which was more like Christian summer camp on steroids, might have been slightly ridiculous [if you don't believe me, picture the steroids thing... that should be convincing enough!], but because of it we know one another.  We arrived wanting to prove we were cool, mature, and worthy of each other's friendship, and even though that worked in establishing a relationship, it wasn't necessary, I don't think.  Sometimes there are people we are drawn toward, and I would say it's the case with these ones.

I am impressed with them; they're going to change the world.  Whenever I get into a dismal-spiral (also known as the existential crisis during a graduate program) and discouraged that nothing can change, and doing the work is pointless, I think of my friends.  The ones who want to go abroad and have an adventure, finding work and living life in a new culture, getting to know people and loving their stories.  And the ones who are brave enough to do the Peace Corps and give up two years of their lives to help people in another, foreign place develop their community.  And the ones who work harder than anyone I know to pursue education and employment with excellence to model to others that life is more than what we see on the surface.  Gosh, these people are beautiful, and my heart feels closer to where it's supposed to be when thinking of how blessed the world is to have my friends in it, caring and dreaming and doing.

So, yes, I'm thankful for them.  And my heart will break a thousand times over when they leave me within the next year or two, but it's for something good, better, and I'm willing to share them others for awhile, as long as I get to visit them.  And play with their puppies.  And maybe be an honorary aunt if the need ever arises.  I promise to bring presents!

You know who you are; much love.  My heart couldn't be happier for the you.

November 19, 2011: Sweatpants

Yep, I'm super duper thankful for them.  And that today I allowed myself to take a complete break and stay in them the whole day after my massage this morning.  I watched an entire season of Parks and Recreation and ate half a pizza.  Glorious.

Okay, pretty glutinous, actually, but for the first time, in a long time, I've gotten to fully relax and rejuvenate all by myself.  And I napped.  I feel rested for the first time in a few months :)

November 18, 2011: Paper Pass!

Today I am thankful that the paper which kicked my butt earned an A.  That's all.  Thank heavens it's over!

November 17, 2011: Family Christmases

Honestly, I can't remember the last time we were all together at Christmas.  Okay, I remember it.  It was junior year, but I was high on vicodin post-knee surgery and dropped an F-Bomb, because my grandpa kicked my leg inadvertently.  Yeah, oops, not a shining moment for me atop the Christmas tree!

Anyway, holidays are sort of... ridiculous...around the Morris household, but this year we might all be together for Christmas eve.  Even if it doesn't happen, the hope that we might have it is enough for me.  I'll be the only single child there without a baby, but, hey, I'll be able to talk about white privilege!  Just kidding, I'll be holding out for that conversation until Christmas day.  Just kidding again.

Anywho.  I'm thankful that every family's a little dysfunctional but, despite that, thing can change and become more, er, functional.

November 16, 2011: Two Things

As a side note:  Blogger is archaic... I'll be converting over to WordPress sooner rather than later.  And I'm toying with the idea of writing a legit blog.  Like one with real topics and points, since I'm sure these little caveats are less than thrilling.  I mean, look at my five followers... reality check for the self.

1.  Today I am thankful that my internship will be better next quarter, potentially new as well, but either way, it will be more challenging and ground-breaking for me.  Wwwooooosssshhhh!  That being said I am thankful for the things I have learned thus far at Hep C (which requires a separate blog post in and of itself):  non-profit management, systemic bureaucracy, population underrepresentation, the unfairness of the American insurance system, why healthcare reform is integral to a nation's success, and how leadership impacts-good and bad-an agency's effectiveness, etc.  If you want more details, ask me at some point when our lives cross.  And I'm thankful that it's okay to admit when something isn't working without fear of reprisal, which is [apparently] part of professional maturation.

2.  Twinzies!  Oh twinzies.  How can I not be thankful for them?  Especially when they pee in the tub, eat my muffins, and draw all over my sweatpants with chalk.  I'll miss them when I'm no longer with them, but it'll give me a nice-likely five to six year-hiatus to rest up, if and before any children of my own enter the life picture.  I just really love how they give me hugs and kisses every day and get real excited to see me; it's totally selfish, but it gives me a super good feeling all up in my heart.  Yep, those goobers are cute.

The Puppy Hat:  My absolute fav.

So full of life.  I love!

November 15, 2011: Three More Days (But Technically Six)

I am thankful that, in three more days, all my classes will be over.  And after next Monday, my last final exam will be complete.

I am thankful that in a week from today I will be able to sleep for many hours and go for a run.  That will be nice!

November 14, 2011: Dad

Today I am thankful for my Dad.  He's super thoughtful and shows that he loves me through little things like surprise emails, silly text messages (silly because he hasn't totally gotten the hang of how to do it...), snail-mailed cards, and tickets to BON IVER HOMECOMING!!!!  I can't wait until December 12!!!!

I love my dad.  He's has a distinct compassion for people and a unique ability to meet people where they are.  I like that.  And we're going through social-work-like school together!  :)

The Weekend Thankfulness

November 11th:

I am thankful that I have a break in one week.  A very long break.

November 12th:


Today I am thankful for Kelly, her insight and compassion.  And her laugh.  It's great!

November 13th:

Today I am thankful that I'm feeling better and about to embark on my last week of the first quarter! :)

November 10, 2011: Reconnections & Supervisors

Today I had lunch with my old supervisor from my CCU Residence Life days.  Ever since graduation I have not missed college for one second, but I miss being in Res Life sometimes.  Not the actual being a RA or ARD aspect but being part of a community that pushed me to be excellent and live purposefully.   A big part of loving Res Life was working with Kusch, because he challenged and encouraged me simultaneously.  And he believed I could do it when I was greener than green.  It was great!

Recently I have missed having Kusch as a supervisor or having a supervisor who was intentional about developing leaders.  I miss the challenge to find God in things and go the extra inch when all I want to do is sit on my ass.  And I miss the awkward Sandy Patty sign language jokes.  Probs for my whole life and the rest of my professional career I'll miss Kusch.  There's a reason why they call the best supervisors "the best."

November 9, 2011: I Am Who I Am

Today I am thankful that I am found in Christ.  That I am who I am, because he is who he is.  That's a whole lot of Scripture-quoting, but it's beautiful truth.  For the past week, I've been writing one of the most difficult papers I've ever (and probably ever will) write.  There will be an upcoming blog on the experience that the paper's based on soon... when I have two, consecutive moments to breathe.  But all that to say, I found myself writing and writing and writing everything that the professor wanted me to say, because I was so afraid that she'd fail me if I said the wrong thing.  So I researched and read and processed and wrote.  And then, because desperate times call for desperate measures (this blog is full of trite tonight!), I consulted my EX-BOYFRIEND for theological sources, because I knew he'd know of something, and my brain was trying to eat my heart, and I needed something to ground me.  Of course Trev knew of something, and he helped me out quite graciously.  *Another note of thanks*  But, then, it dawned on me that I was so preoccupied and busy with being PC and not hurting my professor's feelings or looking incompetent that I wasn't being me.  And that's the worst feeling ever.  So I gave it all up and was brutally honest.  With some compassion mixed in.

We'll see... it might not get an A, but oh well.  I gave myself an A, which is more important, because at the end of the day, it's me who's got to answer to me.  And then to God.  And tonight my heart's right, a living testament to a good, good God.  Mmm peace.

Sweet dreams, Loves.  Sweet dreams.

November 8, 2011: Bible Study

I love Tuesday nights.  Meeting with my Bible study friends to discuss God, Scripture, life, etc. is a highlight of the week.  It's a consistent moment of solace amid the chaos with people who offer new insight and encouragement.  Plus, sometimes we just hang out together and drink beer or play games.  We're a small part of what the Church is, which is daunting yet special.

November 7, 2011: Skinny Jeans

This post is superfluous, totally a First World Problem, but come on, sometimes a girl needs the minimizers.  And on the day after I was "supposed" to run a 5K, a flattering pair of jeans rocks.  That's all.

But to leave you with a tasty but profoundly-rocking treat, here's Feist's "The Bad in Each Other" off her new album, Metals, which I'm LOVING these days...

November 6, 2011: Football Sunday

This morning I visited a new church for a school assignment, which warrants an entire blog post in itself, but right now I can't write about it, not processed enough yet, so I'll do some thanksgiving:

Today I am thankful for Football Sundays.  I spend them with Dani and Kaz (Mac, too, sometimes) in my sweats, watching football, winning Fantasy Football, and doing my homework.  It's nice to be with another human being amid the books and notes.  Inevitably we have little dance parties, drink boxed wine, and converse about life, love, and God.  We all need those people who get it and those times when it's cool to let it all out.

November 4 & 5, 2011: Music and "Me, too!"

Two thankful posts in one day, because, let's be real, school work gets the better of me sometimes.

November 4, 2011:  Music

I don't have a lot of time to pursue leisurely things I love to do, and I can't wait until November 20, because all my courses and projects will be done for first quarter.  Aside from boxed wine, one thing that I love is listening to music, and fortunately this can be done while working on homework, cleaning my house, or driving in between the office and work.  I take it everywhere with me.  Recently, music's been my solace for my soul.  The creative outlet I miss but need to stay sane.  And it lets me escape to a different place, which is real nice, when I'm a little overwhelmed and off-center with no mat for a down-dog.  Mmmm.

November 5, 2001:  The Phrase, "Me, too!"

For the first month of grad school, I walked around thinking, am I the ONLY one?  about everything.  I felt so alone and out of place, so different.  But slowly walls break down, and I'm able to learn my classmates' stories a bit and get a closer glimpse into who they are and what this process is like for them. In those conversations the words "me, too!" come out frequently, which are a fresh breath, like waves rolling onto the shoreline, washing everything clean.  It's nice to know you have a buddy, especially since eye chat happens this way.  I do love a good eye chat.

November 3, 2011: Learning

Today I am thankful for learning.  This is the eighth week of my first quarter of graduate school.  In 21 days I will be finished with the beginning and that much closer to being able to do what I was made for, to devote my nine to five to what makes my heart beat faster.  I am overwhelmed by the blessing of education, to live in a country that allows and encourages women to grow their minds and go deeper.

It costs many dollars and consumes a lot of me, but I am so lucky to be doing this.  To devote two years to prepare and grow into a social worker.  Some days I think about all the possibilities and work I can be a part of, and I am overcome by how big the world is and how many possibilities wait ahead of me.  I am blessed to be a part of an incredible profession and meet amazing people with giving, big hearts.

Yeah, I'm thankful for papers, books, literature reviews, internship hours, meetings, and paper cuts.  All of it, every part... I was made for it.

November 2, 2011: Heart Joy from Nouwen

Today my heart is thankful for this Henri Nouwen quotation from Life of the Beloved:

"You and I have to trust that our short little lives can bear fruit far beyond the boundaries of our chronologies... the fruitfulness of our little life, once we recognize it and life it, is beyond anything we ourselves can imagine."  

Today I am thankful for these, specific words, because they remind me that, in spite of feeling like I am doing nothing world-changing each day in the office, my life is significant.  My life belonging not to me but to my father is significant, and the moment I choose to live in that calling is beautiful.  It's the moment of trust that Nouwen's talking about, I think.  

My little life... oh how I limit, you, Jesus.  Thank you for not limiting me.  Thank you for planning infinitely more for me than I can even comprehend.  Thank you for not giving up on my little life!

May you find your heart joy today, whatever it is.  Peace.

The Best Ideas Aren't Mine Anyway.

I'm copying my friends and taking time to write about what I'm thankful for on this blog every day during November.  I love it.  It's something that I need very much right now, I think, so thank you to whoever started it to begin with...

Today I am thankful for my sister, and it's her birthday, so it's fitting!  Erica and I couldn't be more different, and we fight all the time, because we don't get each other... but we do.  That's the crazy mystery of sisterhood.  Right now she's going through some tough stuff, but she's persistent and trying to make the best out of it.  And I admire her for that, her resilience and determination to do it right.  She's stronger than she thinks she is, because she admits when she's a hot mess, which is so hard for us to do.

I'm thankful that I get to be her sister and for how she looks up to me, even though I don't know what I'm doing half the time either.  I just love her :)