I'll spare the details of where and when this conversation occurred to keep the involved individuals as anonymous as possible. In a conversation about life developments of mutual acquaintances and friends, someone referred to a group of girls as the "most attractive" and "dateable" women in our community due to their "godliness." Maybe his confession of a stereotypical view of Christian women compliment invoked a little jealousy or something, but it bothered me a good deal and invoked definite feelings of annoyance, judgement, and animosity. I confess I was wrong, but despite the obvious immaturity of my reaction (to an extent), the feelings were justified, I think.
Don't misunderstand; these girls are good people-kind, generous, friendly, dedicated, etc. On top of possessing admirable qualities, they are beautiful women who love the Lord. I don't want to berate them or men who think they are the "godliest" women they know, but this comment exemplifies the stringent definition of "godliness" and limiting expectations placed on Christian women (and women in general) today. I realized these girls were the "godliest" women-to this guy-because they had no problem praying on the spot openly for anyone to join, read their Bible daily and spoke of the experience as highly enlightening each time, and interjected scripture and phrases such as "the Lord's," "it's God's will," and "the joy of the Lord is my strength today" frequently into common conversations, etc. etc.. If I take a step back, I admit his comment was not intended to imply that I was not a godly woman, but I took it personally and got frustrated. Frustrated because I wasn't those things in that way. None of these qualities are wrong, and I admit I could learn a thing or two from their example; however, I do not think that their faith or expression of it makes them more godly.
The irony of the guy's comment is that these girls embody everything we glean from Proverbs 31 in initial glance. And unfortunately, we-note I'm including myself here-seem to settle at this as either the perfection we're going to attain or the definition we're escaping our entire lives as Christian women. I fall into the later category, and I realize by posting these long complaints about my irritation with the "P31 Woman" that I am guilty of intense pride and cynicism. Those traits are unacceptable as children of God, whether male or female.
Here are my wishes surrounding Christian women:
- We would live more freely, which means we do not allow ourselves to feel inadequate or compare ourselves to an ideal of what the godliest woman looks like or other women we encounter who appear to have it more together than us or be better Christians than us.
- We would extend more grace and forgiveness to one another and accept that godliness has little to do with modest clothing, submission to men (as husbands or authority figures-yeah, I went there, and we can go there more if anyone wants, but I'll save it for a later post), domesticity, or child-rearing. And we judge each other's godliness less/not at all.
- Accept that we will do things differently. Some of us will be full-time moms and housewives creating cozy and welcoming homes. Some of us will create a family and a career, never leaving one behind and integrating the two lives together the best we can. And in that acceptance, we will appreciate that each chosen path is a direction given from the Lord specific to each individual.
- Speak with freedom and great clarity in the company of everyone we meet, uttering powerful words that challenge and encourage. Act in a manner motivated by compassion and generosity.
- Enjoy our lives more and live them to the fullest extent, prioritizing ourselves... not in a selfish way, but in an appreciate way that leads to greater understanding and knowledge of the self so we can serve others to the best of who we are and our abilities. Revel in being women! (I learned this one from Beth Moore!)
- Appreciate both genders for the unique things they do and aspects of God the other can't convey.
Overall, I resolve to try harder to appreciate the women around me and the men, too. I want to appreciate the differences and see them as assets rather than divisive elements in community. And I will try to work on embodying that above list better. Balance, it's all in the balance.
As I've thought through this and read the passage in Proverbs again and again, I conclude that the words aren't so much about being the perfect woman but give us something to work toward so we don't get complacent. I breathe a sigh of relief, as I don't have to change into a morning person for the sake of my hypothetical children's breakfasts or resort to a career of selling handcrafts on Etzy while hypothetical husband does the cool work in the real world. I can be me and be a godly woman... so long as I'm focused on being the me that God sees, the best me. That's all he asks of me, and I like that so very much. :)
it's okay to be frustrated sometimes when people have a narrow view of "godliness". I have found that my understanding to that Proverbs passage has changed throughout my life-and throughout my marriage. I suspect that it will continue to change as a continue to grow in my understanding of God, and my understanding in what it means to love my man in the way He most means, and he most needs.
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